Let me be honest here.

I have not been very happy this entire year.

The time I feel the most happiness right now is at work. Everywhere else I feel lackluster and apathetic about life.

I’ve gotten to a point where I’ve really realized that my life is in my hands. I am in control. I need to decide if I want to be happy or not. My entire life, I haven’t known how to be happy. I’m so used to feeling sad, angry, scared, worried, anxious, and nervous that positive feelings are almost foreign. That’s not to say I’m never happy and joyful. But holding on to those moments is difficult for me. Finding the motivation to fight the dark is difficult.

So what are some things that make me happy?

The temple and Arizona.

In April I started slowly putting into action an idea – for me, an absolutely crazy idea that I thought just might work.

Let me start at the beginning.

The Mesa Arizona temple is our family temple. My mom’s family was sealed there after they were baptized, my parents were sealed there, it was the temple me and my sister went to when we were in the youth program, it’s where I received my endowments before my mission, and my sister and brother-in-law were sealed there (as a cool note, my brother-in-law’s parents were sealed in Mesa, too).

Within the past 15 years, 4 more temples have been dedicated. The Tucson temple will be dedicated next month, making 6 temples in Arizona. I never thought I’d live to see this day!

Maybe it was the excitement of the Tucson temple being dedicated this year. Maybe it was something else, but over General Conference weekend in April I got this burning urge to complete a goal I’ve had for a few years: to visit all of the Arizona temples.

Because of my mission and college I didn’t have a chance to work on this goal. Living back in Arizona, though, I have no excuse to not go.  I tried suggesting this as a branch activity, but that’s not going to work out. So I’m taking matters into my own hands. From July through December, I’ll visit a different Arizona temple each month.

I’ve never done anything like this before. Half of these temples will require road trips. I’ve never been in charge of putting together a road trop. I don’t know if half the people I invite will even want to come with me. Maybe the vast majority of the time this will be a solo journey. But it’s one I need to take.

Lately I’ve realized that my hope is gone. It needs to be replenished. What better way of doing that than going to the temple? What better way than seeing the beauty of Arizona and trying to deepen friendships and connections with people? What better way than offering service in the House of the Lord?

I hope (so maybe I do have some!) that this is a positive experience. I want to learn and grow. I want to receive answers and direction and inspiration. I don’t know if that will happen. But at the very least, I’ll accomplish a goal and have an adventure.

Tomorrow the Arizona Temple Tour begins with Mesa.

“As we touch the temple and love the temple, our lives will reflect our faith. As we go to the holy house, as we remember the covenants we make therein, we will be able to bear every trial and overcome each temptation.” – President Thomas S. Monson