The beginning of 2021 threw me a curve ball that I was not expecting. In order to heal from the hurt and loss, I decided in February to take myself off of social media so that I could focus on my own healing. The first week or so was a little difficult because I had these urges to check Facebook and Instagram when I was bored. I wondered what my friends were doing and what kind of things I was missing. But as the weeks passed, I realized that I missed social media less and less.

I’m not really sure why, but on Friday I decided to jump on Facebook again. Over the weekend as I’ve engaged with the platform, I realized that I needed to take as much of a permanent step back as I could.

There have been times in the past where I’ve tried, very unsuccessfully, to take breaks from Facebook. This most recent time I decided to completely deactivate my account, which meant that my blog’s Facebook page was deactivated as well. The fact that it was completely deactivated really helped me to not want to get on.

This weekend, though, I found myself checking Facebook several times a day to see what my notifications were, who responded to me, etc. I found myself falling back into my old addiction of wanting to know what was going on instead of enjoying the moment.

However, the main reason I decided to permanently take a step back from Facebook is because I realized it was making me much more angry.

I get that social media is a great tool to use to share: pictures, thoughts, greetings, wishes, etc. But, more and more, people are using Facebook to put people down, share false information, and be cruel behind a screen. Please understand I know it’s not just Facebook – there are plenty of other social media sites that have users who participate in online bullying. But for me, I’ve seen it more on Facebook than Instagram (those are the only two I’ve ever really used – after MySpace, of course).

I’m not trying to blame the creators or the platform itself. The Social Dilemma is a fascinating and interesting Netflix documentary that talks about concerning issues regarding social media. I won’t spoil the documentary, but encourage all who read this post to at least watch it. The first time I did, I paused and reflected on my own social media usage and how I interacted with others.

Last year was a very tough year in multiple ways – not only in the world but also the United States. Social media really began affecting me because of the various posts and comments made by users. Now, I’m an extremely opinionated person, but so are a lot of people. I began realizing that I was arguing much more with people on Facebook. When I say arguing, I truly mean arguing. What should have been open discussions and conversations on my part were instead riddled with angry undertones, impatience, and very much judging others in a negative way. I began thinking less of those who I don’t agree with.

Isn’t that sad? It wasn’t until I deactivated Facebook that I started admitting just how potent I can be. I started wondering how much I was affecting those who were friends with me and saw my posts.

One of the beautiful aspects of this world is that we are all different. Our experiences are different and those experiences help shape how we see the world. Because of that, we’re not always going to agree with each other and see eye-to-eye. That doesn’t mean we constantly have to be at each other’s throats and ripping each other apart. The name calling, the hateful memes and graphics, etc. really started taking a toll on me. I contributed to that hate with my own words.

When I hopped on this weekend, I saw that anger coming back inside of me. And I didn’t like it.

So I made the decision to leave Facebook.

It looks differently than two months ago when I deactivated my account. Because I really want to use this blog, and my blog’s Facebook page is connected to my personal account, I didn’t want to completely deactivate my account. I made the conscious decision to to refrain from posting on my own personal Facebook page and instead focus on sharing content on my blog page. I will only log in to Facebook so I can post to my blog’s page. I won’t post on my own personal page for an indefinite amount of time.

Perhaps I’m not completely “leaving” Facebook, but in a personal sense I am. I’m taking as far back a step as I can without completely deleting my account because I’m still nit 100% sure if I want to do that yet. I still have my Instagram account, but I really want to cut back on that as well. I still plan on using that platform to share Instagram posts for my blog, too, and occasionally share pictures of my life.

I would like to reiterate that social media in and of itself is not bad. It all depends on how we use it. For me, it was slowly taking over my life and eating in to free time. It was having a negative affect on my mood, attitude, and how I viewed the people around me.

During the two months that I wasn’t on social media, I noticed that I had an increase in meaningful communications with others. I began talking to people more and nourishing those relationships. It was absolutely wonderful to see that happen. I also noticed that having difficult conversations with people is much better in person. Having them on a screen is much more odd. Behind a screen, a lot of people seem more concerned about proving their point than listening. Not everyone is like that – I’ve had some wonderful discussions on Facebook, even this past weekend! But talking to someone face-to-face in order to understand their perspective is much more fulfilling on my part.

I’ve learned that saying, “Thank you” is important as well. I’ve started trying to tell people thank you for clarifying a comment, thank you for your perspective, thank you for sharing that because I hadn’t thought of it before, etc. Saying that can make a huge difference in a difficult conversation. Also saying “I’m sorry” is a big deal. I’m still not very good at this, but I’ve realized that saying I’m sorry for misunderstanding, for coming across mean, etc. makes a huge difference as well.

The platforms I’ve realized I can use the best to help uplift others are this blog, Instagram, and LinkedIn. I’ve also decided to use Marco Polo to keep in touch with people. One app that a friend introduced me to, Longwalks, has been a really great source of watered-down social media. You can have friends and still post and share things, but the posts and sharing come in the form of introspective questions or prompts to express gratitude, self care, etc. It’s a way to have meaningful, positive, and uplfiting conversations with people.

What has been your experience with social media? How do you monitor your usage?