There’s been a little bit of a phenomenon I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older. People have become genuinely concerned when I express being okay as a single woman in my late twenties.

Sometimes I perpetuate my singlehood a little too much with my humor (“This is another reason why I’m not married” and other such phrases). People are always quick to reply with, “Oh but you’ll find someone!” or “He’s out there!” However, whenever I mention that I’m fine being single, all of a sudden that insinuates I’m not even remotely interested in getting married. Instead of being happy that I’ve found peace with my lack of dates or spouse, it turns into, “Why don’t you want to get married?”

Marriage and families are a big deal in the church and I understand why. The Family Proclamation outlines why marriage and families are central to God’s plan. I love it when my friends get married and have children. Is it sometimes hard and do I feel left in the dust? Yes. But I’ve also come to understand that while we don’t have to grateful for our circumstances, we can be grateful while we’re in them. Am I thankful I’m single? I mean, there are some perks to being single, but over all – no, I’m not. But can I be happy while I’m single? Heck yes.

Just because I’ve found peace with my singlehood doesn’t mean that I don’t want to get married. It’s one of my goals in life to be sealed in the temple to an eternal companion. But I also refuse to be a princess stuck in a tower, waiting to be saved. I don’t need saving and I will not waste my life away pining for a prince. My life deserves to be lived, even as a single person.

So how did I find peace with being single?

These are some things I did that helped me come to terms with the fact that I’m single. Try some of them out yourself or tweak them to your specific needs and situation.

1. Build a Relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ
Ever since I was little I’ve known that God and Jesus Christ are real. But they always felt far away from me – like people living in the sky. I knew They cared about me and loved me, but I always thought it was out of obligation. Don’t get me wrong – I had spiritual experiences while growing up, but I can’t say I had a relationship with them.

All that changed while on my mission. Because I couldn’t talk to my family whenever I wanted and I had no support from my leaders, I had to struggle through my mental health issues alone. The only people I could rely on 100% and who understood me 100% were Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. It was during those winter months of 2013 into 2014 that my relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ was solidified. I understood for the first time that Their love for me isn’t an obligation – it’s a pure, unending love. They want nothing but the best for me and They will never lead me astray.

This solid foundation of the realities of God and Jesus Christ have helped my testimony so much. If I ever have questions or doubts about any gospel doctrine or principle, I remember that They will never tell me the wrong thing and that Their goal is to have me come home to Them. In fact, last summer when I lost the will to live, the only things I was 100% sure about were: God is real, Jesus Christ is real, They love me, and the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real. I clung to those truths until I could spiritually stand on my own two feet again.

2. Know Who You Are
Having that relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ helped me understand who I am on a spiritual level – a Daughter of God with divine potential. Knowing that helps me have faith in the fact that God has a plan specifically for me. I have a purpose in this life and a mission that I need to accomplish. I know I have been given divine gifts and talents to help build the Lord’s kingdom.

Knowing who we are spiritually helps us know who we are as mortals. I know what my divine potential is – to become like God. I can eventually have His attributes. But I’m imperfect, since I’m mortal, so I have faults. I know my weaknesses and where I need to improve. I have plenty of others that I’m not quite ready to admit yet, but I’ll eventually get to the point where I can work on those, too.

But discovering who I am as a person has been a great joy, too. I’ve learned what my interests are, what my talents are, and what I’m passionate about. Cultivating these talents, interests, and passions have furthered my education and drawn me closer to the Savior. I’ve been able to use some of these gifts in my church callings to help people.

I’ve also learned my limitations. I know when I need to say “no” to things or when I’m taking too much on and getting spread thin. This, to me, is what I call self-care. The Lord does not require us to run faster than we can, but a lot of the time we do it anyway. I’ve started learning how to embrace my limitations and that it’s okay that I can’t do every single good thing out there. It’s impossible. But what I can do with a pure and honest heart is enough.

3. Temple Worship and Service
The temple was my lifeline last year when I was depressed. I didn’t particularly enjoy going to church, but I loved going to the temple. I made it a goal to go once a week. Every single Saturday I woke up with so much joy because I knew I’d be able to spend a few hours in my Lord’s house.

There is a peace found in the temple that you cannot find anywhere else. It’s wonderful. I’ve received so much guidance while there. But, more importantly, I’ve been comforted and calmed about my life. Learning more about the Plan of Salvation in the temple has strengthened my relationship even more with God and Jesus Christ and has helped me learn even more about myself.

This January I started working in the Phoenix Temple for 5 hours. It’s been such a huge blessing in my life! I love it so much. I know not everyone is in a position where they can work in the temple, but if ever you feel the prompting to become a temple worker, please act on it. Don’t want to be called. I went straight to my branch president and told him I wanted to be a temple worker. I don’t regret that decision at all. I love serving my fellow sisters here and on the other side of the veil.

4. Cultivate Friendships
When I was younger, I was so shy and socially awkward. Being social caused me a lot of anxiety and exhausted me, so I really only had a small handful of friends and that was it. I rarely stepped outside my comfort zone.

Well, I’m still socially awkward but I make sure I bust out of my comfort zone from time to time. I still have a small group of people I consider my best friends, but I also have other friends. As my circle of friends has gotten wider, my joy has grown. I enjoy helping people feel welcome in the branch and putting a smile on their face. I love having Psych marathons and games nights and making plans to visit friends in Provo. Being around people brings us pure joy. As we bring light to other people, our lives receive light. Besides, it sure beats sulking in my room all day. Now I have friends and memories I can look back on.

So yes, being single can be frustrating, but I’ve been able to see lately how it’s a blessing. I’ve been able to help people out in my branch. I’ve gotten to spend quite a bit of time with my nephew and grow that relationship (and spoil him a tiny bit in the process). I’ve been able to achieve goals and dreams.

Do I want a husband? Yeah, I do. I want to love someone and have someone love me for eternity. But if I don’t love myself first and learn how to be happy in my circumstances, then I won’t ever change, even if I have a spouse.

I want to be the best for my future husband, but I want to be the best for God and me, too.