It’s interesting how some things change slowly: a little every day, completely unnoticed, until you look back and realize how much things are different.

Then other changes come about like an atomic bomb, ripping everything you know to shred. You’re left in the aftermath, trying to figure out how to move on and make sense of the smudges in your life.

Spring semester is my favorite up here at BYU-Idaho. Everything is blooming, the sky is blue instead of gray [most of the time, anyway], the sun comes out, and everything is practically perfect. It’s the epitome of beauty.

I guess I just never thought my last semester would be so lonely.

Don’t get me wrong. I love work. I love my classes and professors. I’m so happy I’m taking 9 credits this semester and have so many hours at work.

But that’s the cycle that keeps pushing me every day: school and work.

My two closest college friends in Rexburg are gone.

My “little brother” is engaged and doesn’t talk to me anymore – understandably, since he as a wedding to help plan, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

My two counselors from my Relief Society presidency are gone, and now that I’m released, I feel like I don’t have much of a purpose anymore.

My two bestest friends live in Provo.

I haven’t seen my Arizona best friend in almost 5 years. I’ve never even met her two children.

It’s an odd feeling, passing through the motions and only feeling bursts of joy every so often.

The other day I told my sister about this, and she pointed out that maybe this is a good thing. Maybe not having anyone super close here will make leaving Rexburg easier once I graduate.

That had never occurred to me before, but perhaps it’s true. I get attached to places and people easily. Being ripped away is hard to come to terms with, and I have a difficult time coping. So maybe, in a very small way, this will lessen the blow of graduation.

Initially, I thought this semester would be long and gray and miserable. It may be a dusty and quiet road, but I don’t think it will be miserable. Maybe it’s just another chance to stretch out my wings.