Last year when I was in Arizona with my family celebrating Christmas, I had a feeling that 2015 was going to be a fantastic year. I’ve had some really tough years that have a gray mark, but usually my years are average. I think that’s how the majority of our years go. Every once in awhile we get a year that’s just life changing.

There was something about the thought of 2015 that was so … exciting. I just felt that it was going to be wonderful and amazing and a breakthrough, in a way. That feeling puzzled me because I’d never felt this way about a year before. I wondered at how a year could be so awesome.

2015 blew me out of the water.

There were definitely trials, but when I take a look back on this year, I can’t help but feel overwhelming thankful and happy over all the things that transpired.

• Finding my job

At the beginning of the year, I was in a job that I couldn’t stand. I wanted nothing more than to get out of it. From about about midterms through March I submitted application after application. I got rejections – even from the interviews I’d been able to snag. I remember after receiving my final rejection I was so angry at God that I grabbed my temple bag and marched up to the temple. I’d been doing everything in my power to get a new job. I’d scoured the job board every day sent out so many resumes. Why was God doing this? Why wasn’t he helping me out?

I still remember how I felt while walking through the temple doors. Even though I was fuming, when those doors opened, it was like God was opening His arms to me and saying, “It’s okay. Come here. Come home for a bit.” I felt so comforted that I almost started crying in the doorway. That day at the temple I was very honest and candid with Him about my feelings, but I felt very peaceful, that eventually everything would work out. I had to reconcile myself to working at that horrid job for another semester, but I was okay with that.

at the end of Spring semester I landed the job I’m in now. Honestly, I feel like I got lucky. There’s been some moving around in my job – I went from working for Foundations and Interdisciplinary Studies to Online Programs to the Academic Administration office. And thought the moving around was a little rough at times, I would not have changed this experience for anything. I’ve met so many amazing people through my job. I love what I do. I wake up every morning excited about going to work. That’s never happened with me. When I look back on my frustrated self in March, I can only smile and think, “If only you knew how good things were going to get.”

• Traveling to England, Ireland, and Scotland

In April and May I participated in the English Study Abroad through BYU-Idaho and was able to fulfill a lifelong dream of visiting Ireland, England, and tiny bit of Scotland. We weren’t in Ireland as long as I wanted to be, but the whole three weeks we were there was an experience I’ll never forget. I got to visit some homes of literary greats. For the first time in my life, literature and history came alive as I walked down halls of history. My love for English, literature, reading, and writing was renewed and I was reminded that I’m in the right major, no matter what anyone tells me. I learned how literature is weaved into everything.

I was also bit by the travel bug. I began realizing how important it is to travel and learn about cultures and history of other countries because they affect us. I really hope I’m able to travel again, and I hope in the future I can do even more traveling.

• Attending group therapy/Mission Breakthrough

During Fall semester I decided to go to group therapy. My roommate situation Spring semester and my depression coming back for a few months left me exhausted. I was tired of letting my life be run by other factors. I was tired of being sad and angry and miserable. Over the summer I decided to take my life into my own hands.

Going to group was a little scary at first. I originally went so I could learn how to communicate when I’m depressed instead of bottling things up like I usually do. Group gave me the opportunity to learn how to build up courage to say things. I taught me even more how to be empathetic towards others.

Because of group, I finally mustered the courage to talk to my mission president and set things right with him.

Fall semester was full of personal growth for me. Group helped with that. It helped me understand myself on an emotional level in way I’d never understood myself before. I’ve become more confident and I’ve opened up a little bit more.

• Participating in R.A.D

I went out of my comfort zone and tried something I’d never done before this Fall. One of my roommates convinced me to go to R.A.D. – Rape Aggression Defense – with her. I went on a whim because I figured I had nothing better to do on Thursday nights.

I ended up loving it. I learned a lot. I loved trying something different! I loved being active! R.A.D. taught me the importance of breaking out of my shell more and trying things I would have been intimidated about trying in the past. I felt like I was braking free in a way and exploring another side of me I didn’t know about.

• Being Relief Society President

A few weeks before school started in September I had a feeling I was going to be called as Relief Society President. Sure enough, our first Sunday in the ward I was extended the call to be over the 2nd Relief Society. Initially I was terrified. Why me? What could I offer these girls? I’m not Relief Society president material.

My biggest concern was how I was going to love these girls when I don’t like interacting with people very much. I didn’t see how my heart was going to be blessed with that capacity.

Isn’t it amazing how the Lord magnifies and qualifies you? The first Sunday I stood in front of my girls to teach them, I felt love for them. As the semester went on, that love continues to grow. I loved seeing my girls around campus and saying hi to them, I loved learning their names, I loved visiting their apartments, and I was reminded how much I like to serve others.

It wasn’t always easy. I worried and fretted over things. But I had an amazing presidency that helped me out in so many ways with their ideas and suggestions. I’m so glad that we get to be all together for this upcoming semester. We’re going to make things even better for Winter. 🙂

***

Back in April I heard “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten for the first time. It slowly became my anthem for this year as I fought quiet battles inside: depression, my mission, feeling inadequate and not good enough.

Take back my life song,
Prove I’m alright song.

I originally wanted to prove to everyone around me that I’m not fragile and weak. I think sometimes I come across that way because I’m so quiet.

More than anything, I proved to myself what I’m capable of. I discovered a whole new layer to me. I began discovering how much I like myself. Yes, I have a lot to work on, but I also have a lot of positives. I never saw that very much in the past.

My testimony in my Savior was strengthened a lot, too. I learned to rely on Him even more and trust Him. I have serious trust issues with Him at times, but this year proved to me that He knows much better than we do and that what He has in store for us is better than we could have ever imagined. 🙂

The Piano Guy’s mashup of “Fight Song” and “Amazing Grace” is significant to me because it blends the two biggest things from this year – my determination and my testimony.

Here’s to 2016. I have no clue what it will hold, but I have no doubt it’s going to be nothing less than an adventure.