This feels like the last, major milestone for my mission.

Today is my 18 month mark. Eighteen months ago I came home from my mission.

I’ve been home as long as I was a missionary.

It’s a little odd, to be honest. Does a year and a half really go by that quickly? It’s strange for me to wrap my head around what I’ve completed during 18 months. I feel like my biggest accomplishment is that I’ve begun learning even more about myself, my personality, and about the important things in life.

My mission taught me a lot.

It taught me about the cruelty of humans.
It taught me how lonely you can feel when no one tries to understand you.
It taught me how to cry.
It taught me what a breakdown is and feels like.
It taught me my weaknesses.
It taught me that not everyone who says they’re your friend really is.
It taught me that not everyone you held in high esteem will give you a second thought.
It taught me what it feels like when others rip you down to build themselves up.
It taught me that words said with good intentions can be seriously misguided and wrong.
It taught me that people don’t reach out in kindness when they’re scared.
It taught me that people brush things under the rug that they don’t understand.
It taught me how actions really do speak louder than words.

Eighteen months ago I came home broken. Angry. Jaded. Confused. Lonely. Hungry for a culture and language I learned to love. Thirsty for immersing myself in the Lord’s work. It took awhile for dispel the cloud hanging over me, but once I did I realized the other lessons I learned as a missionary.

I learned what it feels like to pour my heart out to God and really pray.
I learned how much my family means to me.
I learned who my friends really are – and what a friend really acts like.
I learned how to delight in the scriptures.
I learned the true meaning of sacrifice.
I learned how much strength I have inside of me.
I learned how to endure and keep on fighting.
I learned how to rise above the preconceived notions of others about who I am.
I learned about the reality of the Atonement.
I learned that forgiveness takes time.
I learned that depression does not define me, no matter what others tell me.
I learned about the pure, unwavering love of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
I learned about the power that resides in a worthy, young priesthood holder who honors his covenants and is ready at a moment’s notice.
I learned that someone can be your family even if you’re not blood related.
I learned how to expand my taste buds.
I learned the importance of the temple.
I learned the importance of family history work.
I learned how much we need people in our life.
I learned that life is not supposed to be planned out to a T.
I learned how to start loving the adventures and trials you don’t see coming.
I learned how to love an area I hated.
I learned how to overcome racism.
I learned that we’re all imperfect.
I learned the importance of listening to others and truly hearing what they have to say.
I learned the importance of trying to see where others are coming from.
I learned the importance of not judging others.
I learned that I don’t have to be around people or situations that drag me down.
I learned about my individual worth.
I learned why the gospel is important to me.

I learned that my mission does not define me.

I am not the same girl I was eighteen months ago, and even three years ago when I began this journey.

My testimony is stronger and surer. I know with more clarity who I am. This past year I’ve come to really understand how much I want to be like my Savior. I’ve learned what it means to be like Him.

There have been many times when I’ve relived the mission memories over and over. At first, the intensity of missing my mission was almost too much to handle and I became homesick for a time I couldn’t go back to. That intensity is gone now, but not my desire to serve. I look forward to the time when I can go on a mission again.

I’ve stopped living in the past. I’ve taken the things I went through and applied them in a way that is making me stronger. I’m moving forward in life with hope and excitement for the adventures that are coming.

God is so good.

“Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” – Doctrine and Covenants 6:36