LDSLiving.com is one of those sites I go to for a good chuckle because not only are the vast majority of the articles vapid, they’re also poorly written. I mean, I’ll give them some credit because occasionally they’ll have an article that’s an interesting topic [like this one about bullying in the mission field], but then the big boys need to step in and thoroughly research and write a more in depth story.

This somewhat recent article caught my eye. A single man in his late 20’s wrote a letter to Elder Oaks and lamented about how unattractive he is and asked how he can be happy despite his “ugliness.”

This is Elder Oaks’ response:

Dear Brother:

Though we don’t normally respond to anonymous letters, I am responding to your letter expressing your concerns and unhappiness with your physical appearance. You say you ‘just want to be attractive.’

I will not say that looks are not important, but I do think you have built a definition and pedestal for attractiveness that is far higher than it should be. We teach that true beauty is founded on righteousness, virtue, and gospel living.

All one has to do is look around an old folks home to see how transparent skin-deep beauty is. Or compare the attractiveness of some people before twenty and after fifty. The long-term beautiful people of the world are people of generosity, thoughtfulness, and all the other basic Christian values. Further, when you look at the skin-deep beautiful people of movie stardom and see how often they move in and out of marriage, it is apparent that attractiveness is not synonymous with happiness.

To highlight this truth consider this description of the Savior in the fifty-third chapter of Isaiah:

‘Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed? For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant . . . he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.’

Even in the life of Christ himself, physical beauty was not important; and consequently, we should not let it become too important to us.

You ask if I am concerned about what I will look like in the next life. I spend no time fussing about this relatively unimportant matter. I work on conducting my life in a way that reflects my testimony of Jesus Christ. I recommend you do the same.

After I finished reading this article, I couldn’t help thinking, “BOOM. ROASTED.” At first I was irritated with this man and wished he would leave his pity party.

Then something reminded me: You once felt the same way as this man. You know, to some extent, what he is going through.

It’s true. Attractiveness is something I’ve always personally struggled with because of my acne. Thanks to treatment and time it’s really calmed down over the past ten years. As an adolescent, though, I hated going out in public.

This is me around age 13. I felt like a monster through most of middle and high school. My face was covered in red, puss-filled volcanoes. I was embarrassed by my features. I was lucky to get asked to dance twice at church dances. When 16 rolled around, I never got asked out on dates, or to winter formal, or to prom. When my high school friends were spending time with their boyfriend or girlfriend, I felt left out and alone.

It’s so easy to fall into a continuous pity party. I was mad. I was hurt. Why are all the girls around me pretty? I wanted to yell at God. Why did you make me ugly? I craved hearing others tell me, “You’re so beautiful! You’re just so gorgeous!” But those compliments never came. Whenever I would get complimented about something, I would cling to it and hope it would heal the hurt I felt inside.

They never did. One compliment deepened my thirst to hear more. I was never satisfied.

Over the years, I’ve learned an extremely important lesson that, ironically, began blossoming in my bitterness over being “ugly.” I’ve learned that you’re only as beautiful as you think you are.

Compliments, I’ve learned, are really nice to hear. They do make you feel good! And it feels great to compliment others. But we can’t build the foundation of our self-worth and confidence on compliments. In a sense, that’s putting our faith and trust in the flesh of man and not relying on the Arm of God.

One of my district leaders on my mission suggested I read a talk by Elder Glenn L. Pace of the Seventy, entitled “Confidence and Self-Worth.” This article woke me up. A lack of confidence, according to Elder Pace, is equivalent to feelings of low self-worth because we dwell on our weaknesses. All we think about are the things we’re doing wrong. Well, what about the things we’re doing right? Don’t they deserve the spotlight in our mind?

I created a parallel with physical looks. Will I ever be supermodel gorgeous? No, because all of those pictures are photoshopped anyway. But in all seriousness, I will struggle with acne for the rest of my life and will have scars left behind on my face. I am doing everything in my power to control my acne, and that’s really the best I can do.

But I have beautiful features about me. The two things that are complimented the most are my eyes and smile. People notice those! So, if I’m going to a relatively important/fancy event or if I’m giving a presentation, I’ll put on some eyeshadow and mascara to emphasize my eyes. I guess I should smile more, but when I do smile I try to make sure it truly is genuine.

It’s not a sin to want to look attractive. We all want someone to think we’re beautiful or handsome. The problem comes into play when we begin obsessing over our looks. How much time are you spending getting ready? How much time are you working out at the gym? Are you obsessively counting those calories? Are your physical features becoming an idol?

We have to know our own bodies. I might have a high metabolism, but my face is naturally greasy and oily and my teeth stain yellow very easily. Those are two things I have to be aware of and make sure to pay a little extra attention to. Everyone has something they need to watch out for.

But everyone has something that’s beautiful about them, too.

As Elder Oaks pointed out – and as Elder Pace talks about, too – physical beauty gets us only so far. What counts is our personality and how good of a person we are.

I think my sister is one of the most gorgeous people in the world. Every time I Skype her I think, “Good golly, how did we come from the same genes?!” She looks good in everything she wears. She knows how to accessorize and make makeup look natural. Her blue eyes sparkle when she’s happy. Seriously, I’ve never seen another pair of eyes sparkle like hers.

But you know what really makes her beautiful? Her wit and intelligence. Her passion for teaching children. Her hard work ethic and her willingness to stand up for what is right. She has one of the biggest, kindest hearts I know. She’s very in-tune to emotions, and she’s not afraid to show them.

My sister is beautiful because of who she is. She knows she’s a child of God. She knows her divine nature and fulfills it through her caring and compassion towards others.

I stopped caring about how attractive others find me when I fully realized who I am: a Daughter of God. I learned that on my mission. No, I was not the prettiest sister missionary. I wasn’t the most fashionably dressed. But I knew my purpose and worked to the best of my abilities. I grew so close to my Heavenly Father out there because I had to rely on Him more than anyone. I felt His love countless times.

And I realized God does not think I’m ugly.

Because I’m one of His creations.

I try my best to look clean and presentable. I try my best to treat others well. Yes, I slip up and make mistakes. But at the end of the day, what matters is how comfortable I am with myself. I still have days where I think I look atrocious, but everyone has bad days like that from time to time.

I like who I am. I have improvements to make. But I have so many good qualities!
-I’m a hard worker
-I’m smart
-I’m a talented writer
-I can cook pretty well
-I have the capacity to learn languages
-I work hard to accomplish my goals

For the first time in over twenty years I can look at myself in the mirror and smile at the reflection. Then I go on my way and try to live as Christ did.

If you think you’re ugly, no one is going to notice you or take you seriously.
If you base your self-worth on the compliments of others, you’re going to be constantly unsatisfied.

I challenge everyone who reads this to write down Twenty Beautiful Qualities and Attributes that they have. Then stand in front of a mirror and read that list out loud. When you’re done, just look at yourself. Look at the wonderful person you are. Look at the potential you hold inside of you.

Look up and show the world your pretty face. You have God on your side. And with Him, you will never fail.